


Living Hurts

by Natade13 (orphan_account)



Category: Kagerou Project
Genre: Gen, Self-Harm, Suicide, aaahh im probably forgetting something but its late, every dan character's least mentioned but this revolves around kano
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-01-17
Packaged: 2018-09-18 02:39:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9362552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Natade13
Summary: It was still hard to breathe.His chest felt heavy and tight, every breath a chore.A heart was a heavy burden.Good thing his wasn't going to be beating for much longer.Or, living becomes too hard and Kano can't bear it anymore.





	

**Author's Note:**

> ahh i'm... a little hesitant to post this honestly because the main reason i even started writing this is because i'm kin with kano and am trying to sort out memories... i've never seen kin-related fics on here so i dont know if its a thing people do or if it's weird or what.... but i'm figuring out kin things and if my vague memories are right i killed myself in some route so,, idk what i'm trying to say here  
> it's pretty dark i guess, a lot of projecting on my end haha, and while the description of him hurting himself and, eventually, dying isnt very graphic or detailed it's...... definitely there

It was hard to breathe.

Summertime was always painful for Kano. For everyone in the Dan really, but mid-August was always one of the worst times of the year. 

It brought back bad memories.

See, that's the funny thing about watching your sister die right before your eyes and then having to pose as her corpse.

It hurts.

It hurts in ways no one could imagine or even try to understand, and no matter how much time passes even simply hearing Ayano's name feels like a stab to the stomach. 

Kano was an expert on that pain. 

He laughed. 

It wasn't a convincingly happy-sounding laugh - more of a bitter, breathless sob. 

It was still hard to breathe.

His chest felt heavy and tight, every breath a chore.

A heart was a heavy burden.

Good thing his wasn't going to be beating for much longer.

He clenched his fist, feeling the stolen razor blade dig into his fingers.

It wasn't the first time he'd taken something from Seto's room, but he supposed it would be the last.

The copper scent of blood wasn't unfamiliar, nor were the bright red drops of blood. 

Ah, whoops.

There goes keeping his sheets clean and unstained. He supposed it was an unrealistic goal anyway.

He deserved pain.

He deserved death.

He was a monster. 

A filthy, useless, worthless, disgusting liar.

His mother told him so, the snake told him so.

He's known the truth in their words.

He looked up, locking eyes with his own reflection and for a second he swore he saw Ayano in his place.

It wasn't impossible, he supposed. Not with his eyes.

The first cut was short.

One crimson stripe to join the faded white.

The next cut was deeper, and he refrained from gritting his teeth at the pain.

He deserved it.

He deserved it.

Kano wondered if it'd be quicker to just stab himself in the neck. 

He didn't deserve a quick death, the snake reminded him.

That's right.

He deserved pain.

He deserved worse than this, honestly.

His breath came in short gasps, jagged and painful. 

All those days he spent, putting on facades. 

The days he spent pretending to be his own sister. Attending classes, hanging out with her friends, pretending to be a sweet, naive, cheery girl.

That wasn't him.

That wasn't her either, at that point.

She shouldn't have died.

He should've been the one to fall off that roof.

No one would miss him like they all miss Ayano.

He hated living.

Kano hated this stupid, pointless life where he put on smiles and pretended to be a silly boy who had never even existed.

Not all of it was fake.

He liked playing pranks and teasing, he loved his siblings.

But the facade he presented to the world was fake.

No one could know about how he hurt.

He couldn't anyone worry, couldn't let anyone see his weakness.

Kano felt dizzy.

He'd lost a lot of blood, hadn't he? 

Haaah... he wondered how long it'd be until he finally lost enough to die.

Would anyone care?

He supposed his siblings would. 

But the hurt would fade. In a few months they'd be fine.

In a year maybe they wouldn't even remember he had ever existed.

It was getting harder to think, harder to see.

His vision blurred.

He was barely breathing now, shallow gasping and choking.

It hurt.

He only vaguely registered the apartment door opening and the familiar sound of Seto announcing his arrival. 

Kido's annoyed voice replied in words Kano couldn't make out.

He heard a crash and Marry crying as Seto and Momo scrambled to make sure the smaller girl was okay.

The Dan was the same as always.

They can function without him.

He closed his heavy eyes.

-

He didn't see his siblings' horrified expressions later that night.

He never saw Seto cry the way he had when they were back in the orphanage, or Kido slam her fist into the wall like the resulting dent would help at all. 

He didn't see Marry fall to the floor and cry like something important had just been destroyed, or Momo slumping against the door frame like Atlas' burden had been dropped onto her shoulders. 

He didn't hear Ene's wail as she realized that Ayano's brother was dead, or Shintaro's cursing when he realized that he'd let someone else die.

He never knew how wide Hibiya's eyes went as he realized that Kano had committed suicide, or that Konoha could make such a frustrated expression as he felt his heart clench for some inexplicable reason.

He never realized that anyone cared.

**Author's Note:**

> idk how i feel about the last part but... it's late and i should be getting to bed i might change it later


End file.
